4 posts tagged “san francisco”

So, I'm speaking to my father again. Not a huge surprise. I'm out of that funk I was in on Thursday. (I still want to see you Patsy; my mom says we might be able to pull off a sleep over on Friday. Did you call me today...? It's okay if you didn't - my phone's still in the car. I'll go get it, and call you, and we can talk. But...tomorrow. I want to be able to really talk to you and pay attention, yeah? ♥) Everything is pretty much okay. I mean, until I go back to school. (...did we have homework I'm forgetting to do...? Fuck, I don't know.)

I mean, I'm in a pretty good mood. I'm relatively bored, but I've been doing things for people all day, which is very pleasing. I mean, I got to sleep, woke up to look at the fog and got on the computer; Bridgett and I teamed up to find her a model for Haku. (Like, a real one. Not just lips. Love you Bridgett.♥) It took just about four hours exactly to go through the entire list of actresses on Wiki, but we finally settled on one we liked, the infamous Kobashi Megumi. Only, she isn't infamous enough, apparently, or maybe she would be if that word's meaning adhered to it's prefix; finding pictures of her is impossible. But, fuck, that's what I signed up for, so I spent another two hours violently ass raping Google finding a grand total of twenty five pictures that, by most people's standards, were not, previously, in existance.

And, as a side job, I've been rather aggrivated for a while that poor Naru-mun oly had one avatar. So I did the good-ol' fashioned pirate thing and comendeered a search engine, and then proceeded to single-handedly bludgeon the hell out of Live Journal in search of avatars. I found them, of course; her model was Hyde. With blonde hair. And I mean, Jesus, that was way better than trying to find those non-existant pictures of Kobashi-sama. Sure was easier, anyway.

...although, the pictures are very nice.

So...everything today has gone rather well. (Shisui-mun even popped on for a while! It was wonderful!!!)

...and...

BlackEyeBleeding: My computer just pooped out a swan.
BlackEyeBleeding: -holding it-
BlackEyeBleeding: o_o
Schizo Foxes: o.o
BlackEyeBleeding: Swan: ^____^
Schizo Foxes: -pets it-
BlackEyeBleeding: Swan: -cuddles-
BlackEyeBleeding: Well...atleast it's friendly.
Schizo Foxes: ... xD -loves-
BlackEyeBleeding: Swan: <3
BlackEyeBleeding: Can I name it...?
Schizo Foxes: xD Sure.
BlackEyeBleeding: Yaaaaay! -claps-
BlackEyeBleeding: Swan: -moves and makes a swan sound-
BlackEyeBleeding: ...
BlackEyeBleeding: Hmmmm.
Schizo Foxes: Izzit a girl or a boy.. o_o
BlackEyeBleeding: I DON'T KNOW.
BlackEyeBleeding: SO I MUST NAME IT A GENDERLESS NAME.
BlackEyeBleeding: LIIIIIIIKE.
Schizo Foxes: Like Sasuke?
Schizo Foxes: -hahahas-
BlackEyeBleeding: GERALDO.
Schizo Foxes: xD
Schizo Foxes: GERALDO.
Schizo Foxes: IT RADIATES AWESOME.
BlackEyeBleeding: IT'S FEMININE, BUT STRONG.
BlackEyeBleeding: Swan: ...?
Schizo Foxes: MASCULINE, YET SOFT.
BlackEyeBleeding: THAT'S RIGHT.
BlackEyeBleeding: OR IN SASUKE'S CASE, GIRLY YET HARD-SOMETIMES.
BlackEyeBleeding: <3
Schizo Foxes: xDD
Schizo Foxes: -so amused-
Schizo Foxes: -loves so much-
BlackEyeBleeding: -loves right back- <3 SWAN, I CHRISTEN THEE GERALDO.
BlackEyeBleeding: Swan: o_o
Schizo Foxes: -Pulls out champange- ... Do I hit it with it, or is that just for boats...?
BlackEyeBleeding: ...I'm not sure.
BlackEyeBleeding: -glances at swan-
BlackEyeBleeding: Geraldo: -moves about in a 'please don't hit me with a bottle of champagne' sort of way- o________o
Schizo Foxes: -Hesitates before popping the cork- ... Do I .. at least... splash it? -Scared of getting a swan sized bite-
BlackEyeBleeding: Ummmmm.
BlackEyeBleeding: How bout we just let it have some champagne.
BlackEyeBleeding: I think that'll count.
Schizo Foxes: Mkay. Sounds good. -... Whips out glasses-
BlackEyeBleeding: Geraldo: ... ... ...?
BlackEyeBleeding: :DDD Champagne. <3
Schizo Foxes: -Offers a thimble full to the swan- oO; -Sips her own- <3
BlackEyeBleeding: Geraldo: ... -sips-
BlackEyeBleeding: -sips- Champagne. <3
Schizo Foxes: :DD
BlackEyeBleeding: Okay. The genderless swan is officially christened now.
BlackEyeBleeding: ...does that mean it's Christian and I'm not?
Schizo Foxes: ... Possibly.
BlackEyeBleeding: Geraldo: -blinks-
Schizo Foxes: ... ... -thoughtful pose-
BlackEyeBleeding: -peers at swan- ... you aren't Christian are you?
BlackEyeBleeding: Geraldo: -blinkblink-
Schizo Foxes: ... -Prods Geraldo- o:
BlackEyeBleeding: ...can animals have a religion? o_o
Schizo Foxes: ... Do animals have souls?
BlackEyeBleeding: Geraldo: -shuffles, neck bobbing-
BlackEyeBleeding: Well of course they do.
BlackEyeBleeding: They have heads, don't they?
Schizo Foxes: ... Yes.
BlackEyeBleeding: Well, everybody knows that if it has a head it has a soul.
BlackEyeBleeding: If a plant had a head it would have a soul.
BlackEyeBleeding: Head = Soul.
BlackEyeBleeding: Brain does not necessarily = soul.
BlackEyeBleeding: BUT HEAD = SOUL.
Schizo Foxes: ...... -thinks this over-
BlackEyeBleeding: Because there are things with souls that have no brains. Like Geoge W. Bush.
BlackEyeBleeding: So Brain = Soul cannot possibly be true.
BlackEyeBleeding: But everything with a soul has a head.
BlackEyeBleeding: So Soul = Head = Soul.
Schizo Foxes: xD So true. So Geraldo has a soul, shouldn't h-sh-- it decide whether it wants a religion then?
Schizo Foxes: -glances to swan in question-
BlackEyeBleeding: ... ... -nods- Yes. -peers at swan-
BlackEyeBleeding: Geraldo: o____o ? ? ?
Schizo Foxes: ... GERALDO. EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW.
BlackEyeBleeding: Geraldo: -makes a meeping sound- O_____O
BlackEyeBleeding: -peeeeeeers at him- Yes. Explain.
Schizo Foxes: ... He-She-it's not explaining! -flails-
BlackEyeBleeding: ... GERALDO. EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW, BEFORE I MAKE YOU NAMELESS.
BlackEyeBleeding: Geraldo: O_____________________________________O
Schizo Foxes: We need to have him have a twin named RRRR. -random note- W-Why won't he explaaaan? -bursts into tears- D-Does he have a secret to hide?
BlackEyeBleeding: ... well...probably. Maybe sh-h-it's lonely. -ponders this- ...do you think sh-h-it needs a sibling or something...?
Schizo Foxes: ... Hm. Geraldo, are you... lonely? C'mon, speak up now.
BlackEyeBleeding: Geraldo: -blinking rapidly, ruffling feathers-

Sasu-mun is wonderful.

I feel I should mention that.

...and, just for kicks, here's a bunch of five-year-old's dressed as ninja. Much love. ♥

I've got anger issues when it comes to my father. Have I mentioned that? I think I probably should. Don't get me wrong; my father is my father. He takes good care of me. I love him. There are times when I really don't though. (Guess what? Now qualifies.)

Because, honestly, I didn't need to know he was going to Europe with her, and yes, I certainly will use her name (Katrina, what a pretty name for such a pretty lady) and I will hate you for allowing me an image to couple with this disembodied hatred that I should not nurture, because it hurts to have. I will not say a word, because I know how I easily I hurt your feelings. I know it took alot of courage to do what you've just done. ...betray me...? I know all you want to do is be a good father to me and my sister.

But you're never around Dad. You're never there. And I know that we don't interact at your house as much as you'd like, and I know we have nice conversations sometimes, and I know that there are times when we feel like we're family, like we really know each other, but you're never there Dad. Because if you were, you would fucking understand.

"I was sort of expecting your mother to find someone before I did."

Well, if you were around you would understand why she hasn't. She doesn't have time, Dad. She doesn't have time for much of a life apart from us, and do you know why? It's because she is always there. Without fail. She sacrifices everything for us Dad. You work. That's super. But she is there. She has never left my side, and never not tried to do what's best for my sister and I. She lives for us, Dad. Do you understand that? Because I don't think there's anyway you could.

You have never been here, there is no way that you could see the way my mother bends and breaks herself to keep my sister and I as happy as we can be. She does everything in her power to keep us happy. She is brave and strong and gives us her all no matter what. She has never let me down, Dad.

And my mother hasn't found anybody because she knows that I have a mother and a father and a sister, and no one else. I am not letting anyone in, and my mother respects that.

Why couldn't you respect that? If you have someone I didn't need to know. I don't really want to know too much about the way you live here, in your little City of Love, Dad. I'd really rather imagine you as being very much alone because it would be the least you could do to console me, you know? You left. Not me.

"I just want to be honest with you."

I wish I could say the same, Dad.

But if I told you that I hate you most of the time, it would hurt your feelings, right...?

I just woke up and I'm already on this vile machine - if that doesn't give you a whole bunch of insight as to what my life is like and what my priorities are, I don't know what will. (Of course, Hilary - my friend in England - think it's cute that I'm sleepy in - what is for her - the middle of the afternoon, and that makes me go all blushy, and probably doesn't help any counter-argument I might have to provide her with. And now, of course, I'm all flustered...people younger than you shouldn't call you cute, should they...? ... ... ...I'm not cute...and I'm not blushing. Yes I know it looks like it, but you're wrong. Dead wrong. Moving on.)

I'm not unhappy, though. (As you might've guessed, I rarely ever am, atleast on the weekends. But I don't ever really fully wake up during the course of the week, so I don't really think that counts.) I left my window open last night on accident because the breeze felt nice, and the sunlight just gushed in around seven, all bright and hot and yellow and happy to see me. And, I mean, it was early, but it didn't become unignorable for a while; it let me wake up gradually. (I can't help but be greatful for that.) I'm pretty hungry, but I'll cure that later...

We went to Sloat Nursery yesterday and bought a few flowers to plant in the garden; a few plainer flowers, and some lavender, and a big, crimson Dahlia. (They look like this, just so you know...very pretty.) It took all day out in the heat (which was severe in San Francisco, but not at all intolerable from a Sacramentan viewpoint) and we met up with a few mishaps and setbacs, but they're all planted now, and looking healthy and happy. (I can only hope they'll stay that way - I really do love gardens, and those flowers are so beautiful and smeel so good.) It was odd for me to be out in the sun all day, but probably good for me too. I mean, I have new freckles on my knees. That's good, isn't it?

New freckles are good luck, after all.

Now, I am aware that I consistently work very hard to get to these things at Kate's house and that I also consistently have good time, but leave extremely exhausted. Even being as emotional as I am, it's hard to go through a scale that wide in such brief intervals. There isn't much you get to bask in, at Kate's house - everything feels like rushed molasses, with too many places to go but not enough inertia to actually want to get there. It's not bad but it's just so exhausting.

I mean, the night itself was fun - if you really have to know, it was a 'movie night' that was pretty much a huge coverup so that Jahaila and Andy could try and hookup, which they can't ever do because Damaris has that twitchy 'no boys near any of my daughters' thing going on that I'm sure the divorce hasn't helped. It was fun; I mean, in a kind of 'well, if I had to die or be here, I'd rather be here, I guess' kind of way. It was me, Kate, Ben, Paige, Jahaila, and Scoopy from five to nine PM (because Mari and Andy never showed,) and we just hung out and learned uncomfortable things about each other, and then tried to laugh it off, which is what pretty much always happens.

We just talked, waiting for everyone to get there for a while; held Manindoorag (Kate's snake), watched Ben and Paige cuddle, laughed about inane things, listened to music. Jahaila kept trying to call Mari but she didn't have very good reception (no one did) and Mari didn't pick up, so that was pretty much the end of that.

After everyone had arrived (well, almost everyone) I got bored and started a game of Ten Fingers. (If you don't know what Ten Fingers is, it works like this: all the players get in a circle and put out both hands, spread eagled, so you can see all ten of their fingers - or maybe twelve if they're lucky, and seven if they aren't so lucky, and eight if they're being a smartass and not counting their thumbs. At any rate, after everyone is ready, and has their hands out where everyone can see them, somebody begins by saying "I have never --" and stating something [that probably has something to do with sex] that they have never done. Anyone who has done what that person has never done puts a finger down. It goes around in a circle until everyone puts all their fingers down. The goal is pretty much to topple the person who holds out the longest; you can pretty much scale from there if you do choose to play with sex questions. S/he who puts his fingers down the fastest is the naughtiest; s/he who puts them down last is the most innocent.) I like that game. It gets really funny really quickly, especially if you're as ridiculous or as horny as the majority fo my friends.

So, of course, Scott was the last one out (and that's only because we aimed really low and spouted off things about Dakota Fanning and getting caught masturbating.) Jahaila was second to last (surprising, but not if you really think about it) and Paige was the first (not surprising at all.) Kate went into negatives, but I think I did too (just to keep the game going long enough to get Scott out.)

After that we played a short game of Truth or Dare that got too uncomfortable and dull too quickly, so we all kind of just ended up breaking off into pairs, which pretty much means Scott and Kate got the couch, Paige and Ben got the bed and Jahaila and I just kind of putsed around, and eventually resorted to watching episodes of the Colbert Report on Kate's computer, which everyone thought was moderately funny. By this time, it was about 845, and my leave was anticipated at 900, so we decided to divide up Scott's (belated) birthday cake (a creation courtesy of Paige and Kate) and eat it. So we woke everybody up, put candles on it, sang, blew them out, and cut it. (One of the best cakes I've ever eaten in my life - I love Kate's passion for baking random pastries. She makes really good frosting.)

And then we sat down to watch a movie and - twenty minutes into it - Dad came to get me, and I got in the car so we could barrel down a two-hour-long stretch of highway to his house in San Francisco which is where I fell asleep and where I am now.

And I slept good. Honestly, I think I slept the best I have in a few months. I was just so tired, and it felt really, really good. Relaxing. Comforting. Like...I was really going to sleep, and it was all okay. I wouldn't have to wake up early in the morning, there wasn't anything I was forgetting to do. And the wind...oh the wind is so nice in San Francisco. Did you know that? It's so cool and nice and it flits over your face and through your window like a bird. It's dark and fleeting and always just cold enough to make you feel safe in a down comforter.

So just slept. I slept warm and I slept good and I slept long, and I felt so loved and warm, wrapped in blankets and wind and the nighttime. And even in the morning, when the sun gets hot and comes to rub up against you like some obnoxious, long-haired cat, it's alright because even if you can't get it to stop wanting your attention, or convince it to leave you alone, the wind still darts between the intervals, and crowds out discomfort.

I had odd dreams that made my stomach churn - one where Mari and Andy came, but Mari (while still being Mari) was short and blonde and built like a stick. That one was brief. But then, I had a very angry dream where my Japanese exchange student got kidnapped before she arrived, and so they sent a very small Korean girl who is in my math class to be my exchange student, and I tried to explain to Miko-sensei that they couldn't do that, and that I wanted Uebayashi-san to be my exchange student, but she said that there was nothing they could do because they could not find her. (Maybe I'm more nervous about this exchange student than I think...?)

I woke up slow, though, anyway, even though my dreams were bad, and I just lay there for a while, not quite asleep and not quite awake, but happy and at peace with myself. And, for the record, that means that part of nirvana has to be sleeping in late.