5 posts tagged “fuck”

Ohhh, I am so not on when I shouldn't be. Because I fucking pwn you at ALL HOURS, bitch. >DDDD Ohhhh, no. Definitely not on at one AM on a school night. Heavens, no. (Why on earth would I do such a thing to myself? That's bad for your health, you know.)

I actually stayed up this late doing soemthing I should've done over the course of several days and should've focussed on earlier instead of RPing with Fuji, but c'mon, it's Fuji I couldn't say no. But no I decided to do it all tonight and make fucking crazy jumps in logic. ...it's also technically an extra credit project. Yes, I'm choosing to over achieve this year. SHOOT ME.

I shouldn't have spent this much time on it but...I mean, I don't watch The Closer for no reason. I love stuff like this - I love 'whodunnits'. But I want to get them right. (I work really hard on them.) I want to be like Brenda and been keen and clever and super!intelligent and bag the bad guys. (I'm not, so I have to settle for being moderately intelligent, and try and figure it out to the best of my ability when I have the time, and after the fact. It's a pity, really.)

As it is, I really should have spent this much time on it, because now it's going to be hell to get up tomorrow, and I have that fucking chemistry test in the morning and I haven't studied for it, and that's the only class I'm bordering on an actual B in, which pisses me off because that's the class I've been spending the most time on. GRAWR.

I hope Mari's there tomorrow, but we are so out of synch that I really don't know how much that'll affect. We really need to start communicating - I know she's good at doing these things on her own (really good, amazingly good) but I want to help. I'm a club officer...I want to be in on it too. And we need to talk about Club Week tomorrow. Like, really seriously. Like cut the anime short kind of serious. We're talking serious, bitch.

My braces aren't so awful. I'm getting a canker sore but that's because I'm an irresponsible bitch. <3

As it is, I don't think I'm going to get to go to the concert next Tuesday - the Ani Difranco one. I really, really wanted to go, but I promised Mom that my grades would be all As...and they're not. One A and the rest are high Bs. It really fucking sucks, but I didn't pull through like I said I would, so I don't think we're going.

I'm taking Patsy to Homecoming, Jahaila. I have the pass and I'm going to get it to her before you do, and then she'll have no choice but to come with me which is good because I'd want to be giving her the ride there anyway. In your face. >P

...and now, I'm going to wash my face and go to bed.

Fuck.

SPRING IS HERE. SPRING IS HERE. LIFE IS SKITTLES AND LIFE IS BEER. I THINK THE LOVELIEST TIME OF THE YEAR IS THE SPRING. I DO. DON'T YOU? 'COURSE YUH DO.

Now, the question you've probably got for me is why I'm singing about someone (an obviously drunk, or atleast rather disturbed someone) who poisons pigeons in the park in order to get their kicks. Especially seeing as I'm a hippie; you must think that's rather self-contradictory.

WELL IT'S NOT. SO FUCK YOU.

You see, I just don't really understand why my mother would do such a terrible thing to me as telling me I could make the decision as to whether or not I wanted braces. That's just awful. Cuz, I mean, now who am I going to have to blame for this unbelievable pain I'm going to have to undergo in order to better straighten what I've already been told are my rather straight teeth.

AND FUCK, IF I DON'T HAVE ANYONE TO BLAME, THEN WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? BECAUSE THEY HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.

...sorry about that.

Being in pain and be relatively unable to set one's jaws together or move them makes spacers sound really terrible. I mean, I'm sure spacers are really great if you don't have them. Fuck you, Dr. Gere. FUCK YOU.

The pain is supposed to go away after a day or so.

It better. Cuz otherwise I think I might kill somebody.

So, how was your day? Mine was poop. I finally got responsible about my achedemic standards and spent the whole day trying to find my lost-since-Friday chemistry book and was then given a hard time about it when I couldn't and thus went to check out a different one. It was awful. ♥

I was also pretty mad that I didn't get to paint my comp book today in art because Alena and Brittni took too fucking long, the stupid whores. But then, I did get the shading piece done...even if it is rather small. (I brought a small object, what do you want from me?)

We'd better present that History thing tomorrow. Do you know how many group projects I've got going on right now? Stupid fucking English teacher. Jesus Christ. And I think she hates me too. IT SUCKS.

I really hope Will stops being a molesting asshole, while seemingly unaware that he is being as such and backs the fuck off. It would just make things...alot simpler. You know...? And it would help me not feel so bad about not being there to help Sam out in a time of need. I mean. Seriously, now. How many times does she actually want my help...? I suck at life for not being around. Like. Really truly suck.

I did get Scarlett home though.

That made me feel good on the inside.

...

I'm not sure quite what to do with myself.

Maybe I should just go to sleep. And like.

Not wake up.

For a while.

(Maybe...I don't know. Twenty years or so.)

I'm sweating like...well, no, not a pig. Pigs don't sweat - did you know that? They have no sweat glands. None. (Kind of makes the whole 'sweating like a pig' gesture seem warped, doesn't it...? I really wish I sweated like a pig. Then I would stink. Which I do, by the way, whether or not you think so. I fucking reek.) I can't stop moving though. I'm restless and listening to pirate music - what else would I do...? I mean, I can't help being restless. Pirate music gets me riled, and I'm pretty much in hell right now. Well, almost.

I want Fuji-sama to come back. I miss her. I miss being able to totally drown myself in Oshima. Oshima is wonderful. Wonderful and far away. And there's angst there - Shisui and Itachi have issues, certainly. Certainly certainly certainly. But that doesn't mean it all goes to hell. And even then, hell in Oshima is so much nicer than hell is here.

Today was alright.

A fiery brimstone kind of alright, but alright.

As in, I had to get my schedule changed for no less than the third fucking time, and I already have homework that I'm skipping out on, and my friends are already driving me crazy alright. But really, I'm fine. (Pretty fucking dandy, actually.)

No. Seriously. I love my teachers. (Bach just makes me so happy.) I have friends in my classes. (For once.) And I mean...I'm alright. (I have a headache and it hurts like a mother, but, honest-to-God, I am alright.)

But Fruit Monkey is back.

(And you must, of course, understand that this means my world is hell.)

I've got anger issues when it comes to my father. Have I mentioned that? I think I probably should. Don't get me wrong; my father is my father. He takes good care of me. I love him. There are times when I really don't though. (Guess what? Now qualifies.)

Because, honestly, I didn't need to know he was going to Europe with her, and yes, I certainly will use her name (Katrina, what a pretty name for such a pretty lady) and I will hate you for allowing me an image to couple with this disembodied hatred that I should not nurture, because it hurts to have. I will not say a word, because I know how I easily I hurt your feelings. I know it took alot of courage to do what you've just done. ...betray me...? I know all you want to do is be a good father to me and my sister.

But you're never around Dad. You're never there. And I know that we don't interact at your house as much as you'd like, and I know we have nice conversations sometimes, and I know that there are times when we feel like we're family, like we really know each other, but you're never there Dad. Because if you were, you would fucking understand.

"I was sort of expecting your mother to find someone before I did."

Well, if you were around you would understand why she hasn't. She doesn't have time, Dad. She doesn't have time for much of a life apart from us, and do you know why? It's because she is always there. Without fail. She sacrifices everything for us Dad. You work. That's super. But she is there. She has never left my side, and never not tried to do what's best for my sister and I. She lives for us, Dad. Do you understand that? Because I don't think there's anyway you could.

You have never been here, there is no way that you could see the way my mother bends and breaks herself to keep my sister and I as happy as we can be. She does everything in her power to keep us happy. She is brave and strong and gives us her all no matter what. She has never let me down, Dad.

And my mother hasn't found anybody because she knows that I have a mother and a father and a sister, and no one else. I am not letting anyone in, and my mother respects that.

Why couldn't you respect that? If you have someone I didn't need to know. I don't really want to know too much about the way you live here, in your little City of Love, Dad. I'd really rather imagine you as being very much alone because it would be the least you could do to console me, you know? You left. Not me.

"I just want to be honest with you."

I wish I could say the same, Dad.